One factor results in one other


Thank you, everybody, on your sort phrases and properly needs in the course of the previous two weeks. I admire them. We’ve been tying up unfastened ends associated to Duane’s life and demise, and we’re almost completed with all the pieces.

  • Duane’s memorial service is that this Sunday. I’ve been gathering images from relations, and have put collectively a slide present of recollections. After the memorial service is over, the ultimate unfastened finish might be his monetary accounts. We’re prepped to deal with these, nonetheless, and are simply ready on the demise certificates.
  • One of my rooms downstairs is full of Duane’s collections of historical cash and Magic: The Gathering playing cards. The cash are a thriller to me. I watched as he collected them over time, however I by no means bothered to study something about them. Why would I? Now, I want I’d paid consideration. The playing cards, alternatively, I can deal with. There are a lot of them — my guess is a minimal of 168,000 playing cards and maybe twice that quantity — they usually’re largely unorganized, which suggests I’ve months of labor forward of me with the intention to promote them. But I perceive the sport and I perceive collectibles, so that is all inside my ken. It’s simply a number of work.
  • Kim and I’ve determined to not undertake any extra of Duane’s fish. This was a tough resolution. Duane very a lot needed me to take his fish, particularly the 19 Mbuna cichlids. And there’s part of me that wishes to have them. They’d be enjoyable. It would honor his reminiscence. But I additionally know that the fish could be a trouble, that they do not match with our long-term plans. So, if no one else within the household needs them we’ll donate the fish to a pet retailer, then promote or donate the fish gear.

Things have been difficult barely as a result of I bought sick. Duane’s prolonged household was passing round a nasty chilly for a lot of April, and I managed to catch it the day after he died. It laid me low for a number of days. (And now, at this very second, Kim is house sick from work with the identical chilly.) Fortunately, it isn’t COVID.

Things have additionally been difficult as a result of my mom’s well being points have not too long ago reached a form of disaster.

More Adventures with Hospice

Last week, simply days after my cousin Duane died, the reminiscence director at Happy Acres contacted us. “We suppose you need to think about inserting your mom in hospice,” she mentioned.

I used to be gobsmacked. Why?

Mom has been affected by undiagnosed reminiscence points for over a decade, and he or she struggles with each anemia and diabetes. But these are all continual situations. She does not have a terminal analysis. Why would she want hospice?

The previous ten days have modified my thoughts.

Mom has misplaced fifteen kilos in the course of the previous month. She now not reveals a lot curiosity in meals (besides milkshakes). Her continual digestion points proceed, as do her continual urinary tract infections. Now, she’s dropping the flexibility to stroll. She’s begun to fall. Since the center of April, she’s had 4 E.R. journeys on account of falling. She seems like she’s been in a brawl.

And, as of this week, Mom has begun experiencing incontinence. All that is to say that I’ve overcome my resistance to the concept she needs to be in hospice. Maybe she ought to. It cannot damage, and perhaps it would assist.

The medical doctors are nonetheless mystified as to precisely what is going on on with my mom. One big barrier to analysis is that she is actually non-verbal. If Mom has a powerful emotion, she will talk. When we have been driving her house an appointment the opposite day, she croaked, “Burgerville.” She needed a milkshake. If I present her images or video of her cat (the cat that Kim and I’ve adopted), Mom brightens. “That’s my child,” she says as she holds my cellphone.

Mostly, although, she says nothing.

She hardly responds to questions. Sometimes she’ll nod or shake her head or smile, however largely she presents no response. (My sister-in-law took her to a health care provider’s appointment final week. Steph says that Mom mentioned nothing for the whole journey besides one phrase once they bought again within the automotive: “cashews”. She knew Steph had cashews within the automotive.)

Because Mom doesn’t (can not? is not going to?) inform us what she’s pondering or feeling or experiencing, all we and the medical doctors can do is act on what we observe. They’ve run checks to find why she’s been vomiting blood for the previous six months, however they’ve discovered nothing amiss. Same with the UTIs. Same with the reminiscence points.

“Look, I do know that is irritating,” her physician informed me throughout a one-hour video name in February. “And I want we had some solutions for you. Trust me once I say, nonetheless, that every one of those checks are useful. They might not inform us what’s flawed, however they permit us to rule out many attainable issues.”

And so right here we’re at this time. Today, my brother and I signed the paperwork to confess Mom into hospice care. We do not imagine she’ll die anytime quickly, however we additionally know that the assisted dwelling facility is not geared up to ship her to the emergency room six to eight instances every month. It’s unreasonable to anticipate that.

With hospice, Mom could have a nurse go to two or 3 times every week. Whenever one thing occurs that may in any other case ship her to the E.R. — she vomits blood, she falls, and many others. — a hospice nurse might be to her inside half an hour to ensure all the pieces is okay.

I’ll admit that there is part of me (a giant a part of me) that wishes to maneuver Mom in with me and Kim. We have the area. She might have the whole downstairs to herself, and he or she may very well be reunited together with her beloved cat. Plus, I’ve simply spent two months offering hospice take care of my cousin, so I’ve a tough concept of what to anticipate.


I additionally acknowledge this stays a poor concept. It was a poor concept a decade in the past. It was a poor concept final yr. It’s a poor concept now. It’s a poor concept each time it happens to me.

Mom wants skilled care. Duane’s scenario was completely different. He was a wholesome younger(-ish) man on the finish of his life. Mom is an older lady whose well being has been declining for greater than a decade. The workers of the assisted dwelling facility know her and take care of her. They have coaching that I do not. So, I’ll let go of the concept she ought to reside with us…for now.

So Much To Do

I do not anticipate that Mom’s scenario would require as a lot time and a spotlight as Duane’s did. We’re paying $7000 per thirty days for skilled professionals to provide her the absolute best care. Still, I anticipate to dedicate in the future every week to her.

Meanwhile, there’s a lot that I would like (or want) to get completed in different corners of my world. My life has been on maintain for nearly three months now. I’m desperate to resume it. There are a number of huge initiatives looming on the horizon:

  • I’m fats and need to get match. I joined a neighborhood gymnasium right here in Corvallis in the course of February. I exercised there 4 instances earlier than I started spending most of my time with Duane. I need to start exercising once more. In reality, I would like my bodily health to grow to be my high precedence for the rest of the yr.
  • Kim and I had meant to do a few landscaping initiatives this spring. One venture — a aspect fence — is essential to her. Another — landscaping the entrance yard — is vital to me. I’ve had no time to begin on these (or different) chores, however I need to achieve this earlier than the bottom turns arduous for the summer season.
  • I’ve drastic plans for Get Rich Slowly. (Drastic however good.) I’ve written 5000+ phrases about my thought course of however the quick model is that this: I hate what the fashionable web has grow to be. I detest it. And I’m unhappy that Get Rich Slowly is a few small a part of that. I need to strip this web site of most (all?) promoting, undertake a minimalist structure, and revert to one thing nearer to the running a blog type I used twenty years in the past. If you need me to jot down completely about cash, you may be upset. If you are a type of who’s pleased to learn any of my musings (monetary or in any other case), you may be happy. Again, I’d began transferring this course in January and February earlier than getting derailed by Duane’s scenario. I would like to seek out/make time to renew this work.
  • I have to re-write the software program for the household field manufacturing facility. My father wrote the unique applications in 1985 utilizing an Atari ST pc. I re-wrote the applications in 1998 utilizing Visual Basic on a Windows PC. Now, in 2022, it is time to write a 3rd iteration of our software program, and that is a venture that can take a few months. (One problem is that I’ll have to study a brand new programming setting. I feel I’m going to make use of Xojo, which is able to permit me to construct cross-platform apps.)
  • I need to discover volunteering with hospice. Duane’s demise modified me in some very profound methods. While I used to be caring for him, my melancholy and anxiousness vanished utterly. (They’ve resurfaced some prior to now ten days.) The causes for this are apparent: As everybody at all times says, among the finest methods to beat anxiousness and melancholy is to assist different individuals. Plus, as tough because it was to assist Duane die, I discovered the expertise so, so significant. Anyhow, I really feel as if I’d be capable to do some good on this world by serving to with hospice, and I need to discover how I will help.

During the previous ten days at house, I’ve both been sick or been coping with points that require my fast consideration. I’ve had no time to dive into these deeper initiatives. Now, as issues settle, I need to pursue them within the order listed above.

That means the primary two issues I’ll be engaged on are my health and our house. It would possibly take every week or two to get these initiatives transferring, however as soon as I’ve some ahead momentum I can then resume my work on this web site. I’m keen to take action! I’ve a transparent imaginative and prescient of what I would like Get Rich Slowly to be, and I want that I might merely snap my fingers to make it occur. In actuality, I do know it will be a sluggish, sluggish transition. The sooner I can get it began, the higher.


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